chapter nine

Grace was so enraged that she could hardly see straight. And when she caught sight of his Toyota and recognized it as the same one in the parking lot back at the motel she became even more upset, although any sane person would hardly think that even possible. He had had the balls to be wholly unobscured and she had still been entirely clueless of his presence. She hadn’t been paying much attention to anything else when she was mulling over the idea of a spy for her uncle. Maybe that’s why he had hinted at the possibility of a relationship with William, as a distraction. She had thought about that possibility earlier but dismissed it. Now she realized she shouldn’t have been so quick to assume.
“To assume makes an ass of you and me.” She vaguely recollected it as being one of her mother’s many sayings and felt her whole body go cold when she realized that little by little each day her beautiful mother was being erased from her memory. With no one and nothing to remind Grace of her family they word eventually be gone, in every sense of the word. That prospect invoked terror in her heart more than any war, famine, crime, or demon ever could.
Remembering who had triggered the memory in the first place she hardened her heart again. Glancing at her rearview mirror she saw him with an expression that made him appear to be concentrating on something real hard. He caught her staring at him and met her gaze; this time she startled herself by looking away first and even then not being able to bring her eyes back to his. She suddenly realized that she didn’t even know his name. She dubiously recalled he had introduced himself when they met again at the coffee shop, but she had been too busy trying to control herself to listen very closely. She thought it was something with a ‘B’ but wasn’t sure.
She didn’t waste her time wishing he looked more the part of a bad guy for two reasons: First, wishing it wouldn’t make it so, so what was the point? And second, she knew it didn’t matter what someone looked like for that person to be capable of anything. She learned that from both her uncle and herself. Richard Bradley sure as hell fooled everyone else with his wholesome appearance and she knew that no one could have imagined all the gloriously creative ways she had fantasized about killing him during the long nights. No, the anonymous cop’s compassionate appearance didn’t faze her for a second.
She pulled into the parking lot and parked by her room. Then she got out and waited for him, totally in control of herself once again. She even smiled faintly at him when he walked up, confusing the hell out of him for sure.

“This way. I haven’t seen it yet but you probably know that, too,” she announced, sounding downright pleasant.
Ben was now on his guard although he feigned indifference towards her new attitude. He reminded himself that he didn’t know her or what she was capable of doing in order to save herself. Like the trapped wolf that chews off its own leg to attain freedom, however brief.
Grace unlocked her room and he vacillatingly followed her inside.
The room was small and had two beds for some reason. It had flowery wallpaper, matching comforters, and a dark blue, shaggy carpet. There were no windows but there was an overhead fan that would be a lovely relief from the small, stagnant space. It proved to be broken.
Ben sat in an uncomfortable chair by the bureau without being invited because he saw that even in her attempt at putting him at ease she wasn’t going to become instantly genteel. Grace remained standing and stared at him. When the silence became too deafeningly loud for him to endure any longer he spoke just to speak. “Why are there two beds?”
“I’m expecting a friend later if you must know,” she blatantly lied. It was obvious to Ben that she wasn’t expecting anyone since she was on the run. He knew that she probably realized the extent of his knowledge but it was wise of her to feel out the situation first since she couldn’t know for sure.
He laughed out loud but wasn’t rewarded with a look of surprise on her face. Instead it stayed absolutely still, divulging nothing.
“Alright, I know what you’re doing,” he explained without her asking him to, “so I might as well tell you what I know, right? When I first saw you I recognized you from the reports your uncle sent to our jurisdiction. So I called him and he told me to ask you about your brother and I did, not knowing he was dead.” He saw her flinch, as if she had just been slapped, and felt a twinge of guilt.
Ben continued, “After that he delicately told me to get lost, that I had done my job and that he would take care of it from there. But talking to him didn’t exactly sit well with me; I mean the self-assured bastard even implied that I would get paid to look the other direction when he found you. Anyway, he told me that he would search to the east, thinking you’d continue in the same direction so when I saw that you had turned southbound and that he wouldn’t have been able to find you I followed you—”
“You had to follow me quite a way before you saw me go south,” she interrupted him, unfortunately not missing the obvious. “You also seemed to have switched cars instead of just pulling me over. Looks like you thought ahead.”
“Yeah, well I wasn’t sure whether or not I should turn you in or not after talking to your uncle. Also I saw your stricken expression when I mentioned your brother,” her face became obdurate and she stood a bit straighter, but said nothing, “and since I didn’t know enough about the situation to make any decisions, I decided to wait and watch. Sorta blend with the background, see what happens,” he told her.
“So why didn’t you look the other way, get the extra money. What the hell’s in it for you to stick around?” she demanded, bordering anger once again and evidently concluding that he was full of shit. He met her eyes for a moment then looked away. Then his own fury rose. What the hell was in it for him? Why was he even here? When he didn’t know the answer to those questions his temper grew to rage.
He vented his anger at himself towards her and, getting up to stand before her, shouted, “Damn it, why are you so difficult? I haven’t asked you for anything and I haven’t even called Chief Bradley to tell him where you are, which is what I should have done in the first place! I could get my badge taken away for this and you act as if I’m the bad guy here!”
Grace icily smiled at him and spoke just as coldly, “What? What do you want? So I’ve made you mad. What are you gonna do about it? You wanna hit me? What did you expect, a goddamn medal? I didn’t ask to be fucking rescued. You should have turned your face away.”
She spoke soft and low, but her frigid wrath sent chills down his spine. Did she actually think he was going to strike her?
He stared down at her, shocked. He was a few inches taller than she was but he was no longer getting from her the impression of a slight girl who needed his protection. Instead what he saw was a hard but self-sufficient young woman who had seen too much at her age and was, in many ways, matured more than even him, a cop who has had more than his share of memories that he’d rather not have experienced.
Defeated, he stepped backwards, away from her, and collapsed onto a bed.

Grace couldn’t understand it. She always lost her control around him. She was usually so outwardly unemotional around people but for the third time in less than a day she had allowed him to see her unguarded. He just made her completely insane when she was so used to feeling a void swallow her up. She hated it. She much preferred the security of nothingness, the freedom of apathy. You can’t be in pain if you don’t feel anything.
But she couldn’t seem to find her way back to that place inside herself whenever he was near. All she could do was get him as far away from her and as soon as possible.
“I truly don’t know why I didn’t,” he suddenly told the ceiling, thankfully interrupting her thoughts, “and that’s what’s most disturbing to me.”
Ben. Ben Curtis. She had suddenly remembered his name. She wondered fleetingly why that was.
“So now what? Are you planning on telling him where I am?” Grace demanded.
He closed his eyes and answered, pondering over their situation, “I don’t know. Why shouldn’t I? If you want to be honest about it, you look like the villain here. To most people, we see the city’s hero; the chief of police, with a nephew and niece that he took in, out of the goodness of his heart, after his beloved sister and her husband died—”
“Step-sister,” she murmured the correction.
“Alright, stepsister,” Ben continued softly. “Anyway, he takes care of their children while he’s still grieving. And less than three years later the boy goes missing. So now he has to deal with another loss in the family and he still looks after a girl in her adolescence. Then, after all he’s done for her, the girl ditches. Now, how does that sound?”
“If that’s what you really thought, than you wouldn’t be here,” Grace firmly stated.
“You’re right. That’s not what I think. But that’s how it appears from the outside looking in. Furthermore, the only evidence I have against that picture is a damn feeling…and you.
Grace began to saunter around the room while thinking aloud, “But that doesn’t matter. What other people see or think doesn’t count in the least to me. I left it all behind. Why should I worry about how others see me if I’m never going back? You’re the only loose end in my plan. If you hadn’t followed me here Bradley would have never found me. So the real question is, what do I need to do to insure your silence?”
She stopped pacing and walked to the side of the bed that he was sprawled out on. She peered down at him and waited.

Ben opened his eyes and saw Grace standing over him expectantly. He knew a moment of confusion and then realization hit him. How could she think whatever it was she was thinking he expected of her? She either thought she could buy his cooperation with money or, god forbid, sex. He wondered how she could think so low of him and then remembered that she didn’t know anything about him. But apparently she did know too much about some people, perhaps even most people.
He stood up to loom over a girl who looked not in the least intimidated, although maybe a little choleric at what she thought to be his decision. He knew he shouldn’t do it but he also knew he was going to anyway.